Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
