Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
