My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
