We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
that is very illegal...i love you.
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