So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
