I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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