Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
