im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
