Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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