mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
