Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
