I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
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