between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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