They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize