Porn is love you can see.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I will be naked everywhere
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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