Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
