God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
