I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
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