did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
