Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
