Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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