It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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