She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
