I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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