she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Randomize
