ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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