Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize
