Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
