Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
