Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
