Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
