so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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