she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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