how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize