Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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