recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
