This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
