i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize