the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I'm sobbing to NWA
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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