You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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