last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I FOUND THE LEGS
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
