obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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