wat bout pragnant strippers??
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Randomize
