Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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