Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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