Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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