Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
