I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
