every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
