too bad you live with your parents still
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
