My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
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