Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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