apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
try to milk me bitch
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