1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Randomize
