fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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