Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
