well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Randomize
