She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Randomize
