This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
