i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
