I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
