We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
