See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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