he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
