I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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