Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
