I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
