Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
