Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
