oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
