you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Randomize
