please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
