never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
