Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
