just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
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