I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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