bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
