is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
