I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
