I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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