@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
