Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Randomize
