Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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